"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
