Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
