I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
