we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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