I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
