i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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