i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
