If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
