my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
