grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
