Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
