Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Oh god it's open bar.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
