clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
