fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Can Purell be used as lube?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
