Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
