I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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