i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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