I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
