Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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