her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
