I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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