im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
