You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you made out with another girl for some wings
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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