I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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