just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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