you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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