You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
