she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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