I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
