Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
