Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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