btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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