Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
