dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
