I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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