That's intense
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
