if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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