Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
