i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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