I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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