We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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