She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
