oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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