Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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