he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
