Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
