He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
