Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
