so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
