He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
