Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
