I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
In America we eat man semen.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
