There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
