is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
