Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
