Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
