This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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