if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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