four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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