i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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