Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
