you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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