i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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