It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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