i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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