you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
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It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
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Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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