i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
