Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
