I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
