Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We had to coat check the pizza.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
