My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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