I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
