matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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