found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
