had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
