I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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