I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
