If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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