Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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